Archive for February, 2007

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Overwhelmed And Tortured By Thoughts

2007 February 19, 12:52 am

Remember my previous entry with the erotic sonnet? One should never entertain such thoughts, especially when pain entails at the end. Forget what I said; so long as one lives, the  spectrums of pain and pleasure is of certainty.

Somehow, someday, I want to do something drastic. I have yet to know what but definitely I am aware of my intentions; to rid of sufferring, through knowledge.

For now, lust and maybe my craving for love entraps me. I apologise for my incoherent ramblings. It happens whenever I am overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts. Therefore, my need for the first on my life-list: Be at peace within and hence, think pragmatically and systematically at all times.
– Logish

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Naughty But Sorrowful Love

2007 February 17, 1:41 am

Wishful Androgynous Lust

In darkened skies -the moon, the stars- they glow,

My heart, my soul, my bed belongs to you.

Eyelids shut and thence, thy sensual dew.

Beguiling scent; tight cords that bind my bones.

Stifled by sweet lips, the groans and moans…

An angel’s face, no doubt, the devil’s deal!

Charming eyes of fiery passion brew,

My wish, as such, for spinning Earth to slow.

At daylight’s prod, I see you nowhere here,

Beknown to me, enslaved by night-time’s bid.

Dire desperate lust, my futile tears.

To thrive, in other’s dreams, you need to feed.

Henceforth, pray I, the bleedin’ sun to die

Till then, my nightly visions, live to lie.

-Logen Lanka

I wrote the above erotic sonnet last year. I’m going to place it here despite having posted it elsewhere before. The inspiration for it was actually my sleep paralysis; I get very vivid hallucinations during initial sleep.

Even now, it is known to me that my certain someone would never be mine. Had I been given a wish then, it would be to be in eternal sleep, slaved by those bonds for pure want of love(acceptance). I believe in freewill and would hence, never wish a ‘curse’ upon another’s will.
– Logish

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Don’t Take Things For Granted

2007 February 13, 6:21 am

This is quite a simple entry but I deem it important. This is my form of closure before I undertake higher education; to leave behind whoever I’ve come to know and attached to. In the past, I was rather melodramatic about change but now the fact of impermanance is settling in.

This is a dedication to all whom I have met. My sincerity does not lessen if I fail to mention your name. I want it known that some of the conversations we had, no matter how short or seemingly nonsensical, really inspired me and prodded me into deep contemplation.

Mandy and Ais we have been intimate friends for a long time. You both have really added a special perspective to my journey of self-discovery, for which without would take longer for me to reach.

Harris, Lauren, Gui Feng, Nuraini, Chia Hsin and Bala, we have shared many deep and very insightful conversations. Those little quirks of you each, I’d always remember.

Ze An, Zhi Wei, Eileen, Stacy, Guan Yu, Guan Kai, Florence, Jeffrey, Shun Li, Hakim, Nicholas, Khrisha, Krtisty, Mr Vane, Chen Xia, Meryl, Champa and Sook Han; I liken all of you to be like zen masters. The things randomly said and actions done prod me to think a lot, philosophically. Thank you for that.

As for teachers who have inspired me, with philosophy or just pure enthusiasm, they are Mrs Wendy Lai, Mr Terence Tan, Mrs Harridas, Mr Desmond Chan, Mrs Singh and Ms Tanny Koh.

Henceforth, do I wish to move on with life. When we do separate and grow distant, the words here though not succinct, have summarised how I feel about you all. Goodbye to all who would eventually leave; regardless, all the best…

With Love,

Logish

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Guard Thy Darkest Secrets

2007 February 11, 10:44 pm

572253_masqued.jpg

When one has something to hide, he would either lie or speak ambiguously, sometimes both. It’s very much the same in novels, and is written with skillful subtlety; so only the handful who are observant and analytical would notice them.

On the subject of ambiguousness, I’ve used it a great deal of times, going to the extent of leaving out minor details to further mislead. As great Poirot once had said: “Never do I deceive you, […]. I only permit you to deceive yourself.”.

That said, I’m not too adverse to lying, especially when the situation permits it. The risks, however, when one contradicts oneself by mistake, is far too huge to take. And I do prefer truths to lies.

Although it is easy to ascertain if one is hiding something, it is difficult to say what it is. It is especially when the secret is crucial to life or death; it will be guarded at the bearer’s expense no matter what, quite ironically; death for a secret untold is nevertheless the same as death by a secret told. Unless, of course, a fate worse than death entails.

The question is, what are you and I hiding beneath our masks…
– Logish

image source: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/572253

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Detective Stories Classics

2007 February 11, 3:14 am

I descend slowly into the world of crime where three sides exist; the victim, the guilty and justice itself. I’m beginning to love that fictional world, which both Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle contributes to so impeccably. Rather difficult to choose between Poirot or Holmes, for both have stunning analytical capabilities and their little quirks.

Anyway, at present aside reading (which aids in giving me a better writing perspective), I’m focusing on planning the plot of my novel. To add on, I have to make my course options by the 14th of February.

I’m still feeling sentimental about my certain someone, who in fact is not mine. Separated by distance and social group…

– Logish

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The Results And My Feelings

2007 February 9, 11:48 pm

As with tradition, one-third of my class of so-called “delinquents” were barred entry into the school hall due to our unsuitable hairstyles. Thus, delaying us at least an hour before we could get the envelopes.

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Detained For Improper Hairstyles

My fears were completely unfounded; I scored an L1R4 of 12 points, which is sufficiently good for an ideal polytechnic course. I couldn’t help but stare at the slip periodically, quite disbelieving the results.

Thereafter, a few of my friends and I had lunch at LJ (Long John’s). Of the group, Lauren and I enthusiastically looked over the information booklet, marking the courses that interest us.

Despite the good news, I am saddened for two intimate friends of mine who did not do as well. No one wants to have fewer doors to open for the future, much less if it entails a bleak one. I am determined, in ways I can, to help.

Right now, nostalgia fills my heart. Memories, one after another, flit through my mind and tears threaten to flow at what no longer will be. This is why, each time I try not to attach to people; impermanance, ironically, is the only permanance; the blessing and curse of our existence.

“Your mouth, so hot.

Your web, I’m caught.” -Alice Cooper

– Logish

equivocal note: I want freely to love you, but its just not possible. It tears my insides up so badly…

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O’ Levels Press Release

2007 February 5, 7:28 pm

According to the Singapore Examination And Assessment Board (SEAB), the O’ Levels examination results will be released this Friday at 2pm. I’m thoroughly overwhelmed by this information; the results will determine my very near future.

Since last week I’ve been having nightmares about the above. Furthermore, I dreamt about being chased around by the disciplinarian which ended in me running to a dead-end. Fortunately enough I awoke before I was caught.

Breathe, breathe, breathe…

– Logish